What am I?

Someone called me a working mother the other day . . . It left a taste in my mouth and I'm not sure what it was. Someone has called me a stay-at-home mom, a WAHM, a SAHM, etc. etc. No one really knows what box to check me in. Again, all titles leaving me with a taste in my mouth that I had still not totally defined. In that same vein, The "Mommy Wars" has always left me with a taste in my mouth that I disdain.

How is it that we have drawn so many lines in the sand defining what we are? We have acronyms and nicknames for every facet of it. Part of my philosophy is that today’s moms are so many different things, how can we pigeonhole ourselves or anyone else into some sort of distinction or class of mother hood. The reason I think the Mommy Wars are BS is because I think the war is over misconceptions that we create on our own. If we were to strip it all down to a basic level, the Mommy Wars wouldn't exist. The Mommy Wars are about absolutely nothing in my opinion.

Classify me: I am married, I have 2 children ages 2 and 4, I have my own business with a home office, my husband has his own business as well, my husband kicks in to be with the kids when I have meetings etc. to attend, I don't have a nanny or a regular babysitter (although at times I wish I could find one), sometimes I have to dress up for meetings (I call that my uniform, or dressing blingtastic), sometimes I wander around in scrubs, a t-shirt and flips, I work 30-60 hours a week depending on the week, those hours mostly revolve around early morning, naptime, or late evenings after the kids are in bed. What am I? (crazy) A working mom? A stay at home mom? A work at home mom? What team will you put me on for the mommy wars? I like to consider myself a mom. Better yet, I'd prefer if you'd just call me Rachael.

I have a neighbor who makes jewelry out of her home to raise extra money to pay for their adoption, a friend who does bookkeeping for her husbands business on the side in his office Saturday mornings, a friend who's the PTA president, a friend with 6 kids who does triathalons, a woman in my community who volunteers to the equivalent of a full time job and has 3 kids to boot, a friend who is a lawyer, a friend who works one night a week at the Gap for the discount, the list goes on. It's varying shades of grey if you want to figure out who is what. My mom worked full time when I was growing up and I never thought of her or classified her as a "working mother" - I just thought of her as my mom. And the things that any of the above women do make me tired to think about because all of it is engaging, takes brains, talent and energy, and there are days when every bit of it drives each one of us mad.

All of us have work to do. All of us have things we are passionate about. All of us wants to be someplace else on some days of the week. All of us have stuggles and all of us have successes. How many mommy classes do we have to create before we realize that we are all just moms, women, or most importantly individuals, with lives, skills, interests and passions? And more than that - we all have something to offer each other from whatever perspective we are springing from.

How Utopian, I know.

So, next time you want to figure out what team I'm playing for - I think I might call my self an independent agent.

Comments

[Kelly King Anderson]

Thanks Rachael for this, I too have wondered how to "classify" myself. Now I know- Independent Agent. :)